1. Walk away.
I know it sounds counter-intuitive. Or does it? When a grenade explodes, it makes sense that we would want to run for cover. The same rule applies here. If you can’t immediately get away, excuse yourself to use the bathroom, answer a fake call or just take some deep breaths.
2. Collect your thoughts.
While away, ask yourself, “What are they really saying? Am I taking it personally? How can I best respond to this feedback so I can grow and learn?”
3. Clarify and control.
What’s hard about grenades going off is that we never really know when they’re going to go off, right? So it feels like we don’t have control. Well, one way to even the playing field just a little is to clarify what they mean when they say certain things by writing them down on, say, the white board (you can do this virtually, too). That way, you and your feedback givers can make sure you’re both on the same page and there’s no room for misunderstanding or more grenades.
4. Put the safety pin back in the grenade.
In my opinion, part of the reason feedback sessions are so challenging is that both parties often feel like there’s no closure or forward movement. So, in order to diffuse that situation, close out your feedback session by asking something along the lines of “What would you need from my side in order for us to move forward from this?”
5. Give feedback on feedback.
There are some ways to make sure you’re not walking into a “hot” room:
• Schedule regular feedback sessions (daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, as needed).
• Ask if it’s possible to have it in the form that is most productive for you (verbal, email, phone, in-person, etc.)
• Ask if it’s possible to have someone you vibe with deliver the feedback to you.
• Ask for time. If it isn’t urgent, ask if you can take some time to reflect on it.
You’ll be happy to hear I was able to apply four out of the five tips during my recent "F" word sessions, I mean, feedback sessions. And I walked away with just a few tears, unlike the flood I would normally have. This experience left me better equipped at diffusing the grenades before they exploded in my mind. Because you can’t prevent someone from throwing a grenade at you, but you can learn better ways to dismantle it before it goes off.